Cry out to Jesus

I've been hurting for quite some time. On July 29th, I had a traumatic fall while I was running in the woods with my cross country team. I've been hurting for 10 1/2 weeks now. I haven't been able to run or do exercise of any kind. I struggle with clinical depression and NOT exercising has a huge impact on my daily life. Most people think that depression is just a sitting around the house and feeling sorry for yourself kind of thing. Yes, for some people that is an issue, but that's not clinical depression. Everyone can choose to have days where they throw pity parties for themselves. Depression is so much deeper and complex than that.

Basically, I don't feel like myself at all. It is so frustrating to know exactly what's happening with me and knowing what to do to help myself...and I can't. I can't go for a run. I can't chat with friends while I run. I can't go for a bike ride or even go swimming right now. My pants are all too tight and I feel just terrible. Unfortunately I have chosen to have a pity party for myself lately. Yes, I have depression problems but I also get sucked into being mad about it and throwing a tantrum over it.

What's the bottom line? In John 10:10 the bible says that God intends for us to have an abundant life. Lately I've not felt anything abundant about my life. I've been pretty self-consumed with pain, limping, wearing a walking cast, not being able to sleep at night because my foot hurts so bad, visiting the doctor...blah, blah, blah. I'm sick of it. Every thought every day is about my dumb foot. It hurts. Period.

Tonight at our worship service our pastor referenced a time when he felt similar to this--just exhausted and spent. He heard a song about how we were made to worship God and it changed his perspective. Right now I can't do a darn thing about my situation. I'm frustrated and tired. But I can change my focus. I can worship God. I did that tonight, genuinely. I can't remember the last time I cried out to Jesus like that. In his presence I felt peace and love and grace. It never dawned on me to ask God to help me through this time. I feel silly because it's just an ankle injury--it's not like I have cancer or I'm in a wheelchair. My child doesn't have a terminal illness. My husband hasn't left me. I've tried so hard to be strong and NOT ask God for help. Can you see where that's gotten me? So whatever it is you have going on in your life, talk to Jesus. If you're like me, maybe you need to cry out to Him. His grace is sufficient for you. Once I opened up to God--I worshipped him and shared how I was truly feeling with him--my pity vanished. In his presence I forgot all my troubles. All I could think about was how awesome he was and how great his love for me is. I thought of all the times he's shown me his power, love, and faithfulness. All of the sudden, my life seemed full of abundance. How strange...my focus had changed my circumstances after all.

My challenge to you this week: be one day better at talking to your Creator. Your friend, your rock, your strong tower, your savior, your first love, your shelter. Cry out to Jesus.

Psalm 95: 1-7 (NIV)

Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his had are the depths of the earth, and mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker, for he is our God and we are the people of his paster, the flock under his care.

Psalm 34:15 (NIV)

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and is ears are attentive to their cry.

Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.